I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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