How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
