There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i've created a new STD.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
