cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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