So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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