i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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