i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
