Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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