I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
