ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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