my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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