At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
