We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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