Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
