She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
