he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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