I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
