I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
