Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
