I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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