How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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