I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
