So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were trust falling into bushes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
