he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
