If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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