Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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