all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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