what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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