onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
