I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
