normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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