i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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