A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
