OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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