wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
