One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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