I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
