What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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