The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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