I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
