Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
