Plan B is the new Plan A
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
