Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
