East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
