FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
