i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
