She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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