I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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