my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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