Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
