Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize