i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
