She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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