last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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