For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
