so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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