There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
