He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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