I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
