i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
