i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize