I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
