I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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