My room smells like vodka and shame
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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