i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize