Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
