wakey wakey hands off snakey
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
