if only i could text you this smell
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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