You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
