Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
