We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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