I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
