Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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