Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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