U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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