i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
