Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
